The mind of Jaxe.

time

2006-12-12T23:26:00.000-05:00

time
is merely
the measuring stick
that marks
the
beginning
and
end,
yet i grasp
at its edges
with
sprayed-on
hands

Spinning

2006-03-31T01:21:00.000-05:00

i'm still spinning

still spinning with you in my mind

chinese handcuffs

keep me close,

so close.

you run through my veins

feels like my hinges are flying off

rock me like a baby doll

in your arms, all night long

all night long

underneath the watchful eyes

of the pale street lights.

Sugar Cubes.

2006-03-03T16:43:00.000-05:00

there's a sort of sweet symphony sipping our communal Kool Aid

as i'm lapping sugar cubes from your hand . . .

while time lingers in the twilight

wrapped in her eternal evening gown.

but time doesn't so much heal

. . . as she merely

e r a s e s.

p r i M a l

2006-01-10T17:28:00.000-05:00

p r i M a l .

s o m e T i m e s
i t
i S
b e S t
T o
d r o P
t O
a L l
f o U r S
a N d
s i m P l y
g O
b a C k
t O
b a S i C s

The Exorcism: Part I

2005-12-20T23:36:00.000-05:00

I'm a fake.
I'm self destructive.
I am an acquired taste.
I'm random energy.
I'm intense.
I'm jaded.
I'm restless.
So very restless.
I'm a ghost.
That hasn't arrived.
I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'm a blur.
I'm a pillar of the community.
I'm fucked up.
I lust.
I'm wearing a mask.
But so are you.
I'm bleeding.
Lay your hands.
And lesions over me.
I will stab you.
For twenty dollars.
My shots are clean.
My shots are final.
I have eyes of amber.
I betray.
I plead for mercy.
I want your blood.
On my hands.
On my lips.
I'm nothing's everything.
I love.
Deeply.
I miss you.
I laugh.
When I cry.
I'm charmed.
I pick up pieces.
Of ancient queens.
I'm innocent.
Shhhhhhh.
I'm a picture of ugly stories.
I' m a sinner.
And I'm a clown.
I wrote a song.
That I already forgot.
I desire.
Too much.
I need.
A gypsy soul.
I'm smiling.
I want to see you.
I will regret this.
I believe.
In Everything (Nothing).
I want my tombstone to read. . .
"You."
I'm drunk again.
I'm sorry.
Self-realization is truth.
*steps away from the mirror*

Wasteland

2005-11-28T10:01:00.000-05:00

Wasteland

The solitude wears on me
This mundane chained to Wheels of Time
I feel like I'm breathing clay.
Now I know true thirst.

Cracks form around my eyes
As I squint into the horizon.
I can taste yellow.
Why can I taste yellow?

Sand whips into the crease of my mouth.
As I stand above my carcass
Watch the carrion birds make short
Work of my brittle bones

This dust-bowl
Tries to consume. . .
To extract your soul
In its marionette's pose

But they will never get it
No, no they will not
They are too late
For I gave it freely
To another

In this wasteland...

The View

2005-10-24T10:26:00.000-05:00

The View

From here it looks perilous.
Little chance of survival
Harsh consequences
I never looked good behind the vertical
I was always considered highly centrifugal
Feel the rails slowly stretch
This screech of brakes
In this inevitable train wreck
Bulletproof armor is an everkiss
For lies dripped
Between Nosferatu lips
Worst case scenario, they eat my remains
As thoughts of sugar plums dance in their brains
The deceit and wrath and chaos came
And here I am
Left holding the Blame
Don’t trust my rancid naivete
Of faith in people
Who kill indiscriminately...

I must now hold my head up high
Tighten the noose on my necktie
And head down the path
In my switchblade eloquence
This view… so lovely
In its deadly accoutrements.
As the murmuring strangers
Gather near the front door
Of the Bed & Breakfast
They never paid for

Verisimilitude

2005-09-30T14:22:00.000-05:00

Verisimilitude.
(from the Red Book of Lies by jaxe)

Half broken sunsets,
I try to tape back together
Shards of a broken mirror
Stare back in my November
My conversations with the moon
In confidence
Did I finally find
What I was looking for
Down on the south side
Of safety and apathy?
They pick my diluted brain
Throwing out reasons
For my behavior
Theories on the
Human condition
Telling me why
As I sit on the padded
Musty Couch of Weakness
Now, twenty past
A quarter ‘til three
And I'm still staring
At this puzzle
Eyes fixed on the gaping
Hole left by the missing
Piece
Am I doomed to this
Which is beyond my reach?
I will never be the same
In my palm
The lines I couldn't change
The creases
I could not rearrange
The want I couldn't
Erase
The person
I've somehow
Misplaced
The ache is pure
It is real
It will never heal . . .

And I don't
Want it to.
If it’s the only way
I can hang onto you.

Fire Dancer

2005-09-21T10:25:00.000-05:00

Fire Dancer . . .

. . . And there you are again

Bringing intensity to the twilight

Painted on the inside of my eyelids

Dancing like a flame

Shadows playing tricks on my astonished eyes

As your fire burns

Your sanguine coronet flickers

The searing rhythms spellbind,

And finally mesmerize me.

Dance with me, fire dancer,

In my mind again tonight

Paint my world with your flame.

Make me burn.

The Boatyard (a/k/a Ghost)

2005-08-10T18:27:00.000-05:00

THE BOATYARD
(a/k/a Ghost)

I was fucked up before the glass kissed my lips.
In an instant you were HERE.
My eyes drank you.
Anxiety. Electricity. Hope.
Terror. Lust. Regret.
Then . . . nothing.
A false alarm. Just a ghost in my attic.
We've got to stop meeting like this. . .
Inside my memory.
My recurring shadowed dementia
of false realities
now blinded by the sparks
from my own self destructive fuse.
You know, I had to hurt you so you would hate me.
Then I could hate you for hating me.
It didn't really take.
Turn on the reggae - watch me pulse.
I search for lost words to toast the sun
as it sets in its own beleaguered eloquence.. .

My lover. My killer.

How many has it been since then?
Lost words or lost sunsets?
The air is thick –
like trying to breathe through a blanket
. . . and its hard to chew.
The idle sailboats still somehow sway.
I stare up the skirt of the tan woman across from me,
searching for
grace.
A tern slurs by like its being pulled
on a bent string.
No shadows now.
The colors fade.
The sun descends.
It is gone.
Like you.

Parasitic

2005-07-13T16:19:00.000-05:00

i'd love to attach
to your mind
but somehow
the dance floor is full
open your soul
dance along the edge
i will show you meaning -
as if your chrysalis
were dangling from the ball
of my tongue.

Credits: Art by nebu

drive 26

2005-06-25T23:52:00.002-05:00

drive 26

tried to medicate with music
but my thoughts wouldn't center...
...thoughts wouldn't center
that Cheshire grin won't work tonight
not this time
no... not this time
crazy I think of you
at times like this
when my mortal coil
...is at its end.

Today

2005-06-22T12:23:00.000-05:00

Today
I'm so far away
From everything.
I reach to grasp
But it falls through my fingers
Like mercury
I see the letters dance about the page,
But no words form.
I'm floating farther out
Than I've ever been
And things are getting cloudy.
Resolutions fade
Transform to grey
And I can't change my course.
I should know the way
But I can't divine a clear thought.
Breathing is becoming
A chore…

…

a chore,

I have to concentrate.
All the while,
Every breath brings me
Closer to my
Last.
- That last breath….
What will it taste like?
That last breath -
I am numb, senses dulled.
As if my nerves have been
Filed to the bone.
I'm so far away
From everything.

Perfection

2005-06-07T16:20:00.000-05:00

I don't believe in perfection
Perfection is not truth
The flaws
. . the cracks
. the fault
. . . the warp
That is imperfect truth.
And that is what I believe in.

Dementia

2005-06-07T11:26:00.000-05:00

stranded here in this paisley dementia
stuck like a sailboat in calm winds...
been by the jailhouse - they just can't touch me
... just can't touch me
no time for salient lullabyes
no need for a stinging reply
this is the last goodbye

the best way to get even is to forget
another day, another pet
glad to see you didn't trip over my tail
on the way out the door
guess those high heels came up for something useful
after
all.

Scars

2005-06-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

Scars.
Does it really matter if they
Are self-inflicted, or
Delivered by another?

They are still there...
Lingering...
Forever,
Adorning your body like a
Patchwork quilt.

Don't hide behind them,
But wear them proudly -
Your eternal badge.
A body covered in stains
Like a flesh canvas.

A soul covered in memories
Like shifting sand
Across the Sahara.

Run your fingers deliberately
Over them...
Is its story as you
Remembered it?
Or has it faded?
The wound now closed & healed?

Or is it open and gaping?
Growing and festering daily?
Can it be healed?
Turned into another scar?
A scratch on the surface,
But with deep concealed roots.

Hidden, but felt
Delivered and dealt.
Well, I once had a lover
Now I can kiss no other.
These scars.

Conversations

2005-06-04T14:22:00.000-05:00

An unusual hesitation in the conversation
Allows my mind time to reflect.
The spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions and feelings.
A familiar intercourse.
Our colloquial discourse.
The direction of which, belies any pattern.

Pure chaos theory here.
A quick dose of her voice
To calm the nerves
Provide lucidity in the tempest of my consciousness.
She is manifest in thought, perception, emotion
Strong of will, yet full of imagination.
Soft of breath, though full of temptation.
I can feel her energy emit to me

The intensity
Even in a smile, though not seen,
Yet perceived, behind a gossamer veil
I can sense a thousand sunsets
Sweep sweetly over a scented sky.
Just from the parting of candied lips.
The pause in our conversation has now ended

Another concept to be presented
If I could stay for eternity I would
And that will be my greatest challenge

Connectivity

2005-05-10T11:12:00.000-05:00

I once was connected.
Conversations blend into
Minds that mend
Life at the fringe
Of delicate and desire
A touch that speaks
Louder than any scream
A locked gaze delving
Toward the same dream
Bathing in laughter for
The great ever after
I once was connected.

The only piece
Of the promise
Really ever broken
Was the
Forever

Not Again

2005-04-29T23:28:00.000-05:00

Can't you see
I'm starving for salvation
I'm begging to adore you
And stabbing my damnation

I want you to ignore me
As much as you deplore me
So much that I just can't see
I'm losing my salvation

I can't peel you away
Like a dead layer of skin
Leave me alone
It's nothing serious
There's next to nothing you can do

It's just that right now
I'm so furious
And pretty faithless
There's only so much left to do

I take back all the things I said
I never want you to think I cared
Oh there's chameleon's here
Secretly more flesh to chew

Make no mistake
Let the truth be shared
Where no one else ever dared
Of all the reckless things we've done
Could the book have just begun
To take refuge in confession

And still 15,000 people scream
They were all begging for your dream
But I was still calling your name...

Remorse

2004-05-14T00:52:00.000-05:00

re·morse Pronunciation Key (ri-môrs')n.

1. Moral anguish arising from repentance for past misdeeds; bitter regret.